So, I had thought that if I left the village to the city I’ll be happy. I got there excited, but after a few weeks, I couldn’t find happiness.
I felt that hustling and making so much money will certainly make me super happy. So, I struggled, abandoned friends and family to acquire as much money as my heart desired. But the more I got rich, the money my anxiety meter ticked up. The more I was tensed and felt underperforming.
Then I thought that maybe it was because my professional accomplishments weren’t sufficient. If I could get to the peak of my career, I will definitely be happy all the days of my life. So, I worked hard, sacrificed my sleep and vacation. I even turned my entire house into a workspace.
Finally, I achieved the level of success I had dreamed of, and I was so happy. Well, it didn’t last for three months before I desired more, and more, and some more success. And happiness moved far, and far, and far from me
When success seemed insufficient, I sought another source of happiness. I have always known that alcohol and hard drugs were bad and addictive, but I wanted to be happy. So, I began to drink alcohol and take hard drugs. I was so ‘excited’ the first day I tasted some hard drugs – I forget all my worries, all the stress and sorrows vanished. In fact, I forgot myself until the next day.
But then, as I got up, I wanted to replicate the feeling I had the previous night. So, I went for a higher dosage of those drugs and higher and higher until I began to experience the opposite effect of what I had desired. I felt more anxious, highly irritable and generally uncomfortable. I just felt terrible whether I took them or not. Saying that it was a horrible experience is an understatement.
But as an accomplished man, I told myself “definitely, if I had a stable relationship, instead of sleeping with a different woman each night, I’ll certainly be happy.” Well, I met a lovely lady at work a few months after and decided to settle down with her. Her smile was so captivating and her appearance enchanting that I didn’t think twice to propose. She accepted after some persuasion and we got wedded together.
I was so excited the day we began to live together that I wished the excitement never ends. Anyway, it lasted. I mean, it lasted for some months until, as usual, I spoilt the whole marital relationship with my cravings. I wanted something more that she couldn’t satisfy. Unfortunately, I kicked her out and took another woman who I felt was perfect for me. My hormones were in the high heavens. Well, I guess you already know how the story ended – she left me after a while because my attitude was simply unbearable, to say the least.
It was after this traumatic experience that I decided to seek help. In my search for a path to recovery, I met a lady who was handing out a gospel tract at the entrance of the train station. At other times, I wouldn’t have accepted it. But I was lonely, dejected, sad, sorrowful, depressed and just confused about my life and all. So, if I could find a solution to my predicament from anyone, I was willing to pay the price, whatever it would cost.
Before I got home that evening, I had read that tract at least ten times. Yes, it was that serious and interesting. I read it, and it sounded so different from other materials I’ve been reading. Yes, I’ve heard of Jesus Christ, his crucifixion and all that, but I’ve never thought it necessary to visit any Church nor to pray to God. I’ve never considered serving God as an option in my life. It wasn’t even a discussion that I was willing to entertain.
But reading this tract felt fresh; it felt new and enlightening. I could perceive rays of Light filtering into my soul as I perused those lines in black. I can’t explain the feeling but it was so real that I couldn’t stop reading. For the first time in my life, I can say that I felt some genuine happiness. I didn’t want the feeling to end, so I read the tract over and over. And the more I read, the more the illumination intensified.
At some point, I felt a nudge in my mind to kneel beside my seat. I can’t recall if the other passengers around were watching. As I knelt, I didn’t know what to say. But I remember that I said something along the lines of “Dear Lord, please forgive me. And please, don’t let me go back to this deep sorrow and depression that have ravaged my life.” After these words, I stood up, got off the train and took the taxi home.
The following day, I returned to the same spot in search of that lady. At first, I couldn’t find her, and I was so restless. I waited until the time she usually arrives in the evening. At 5 pm prompt, she appeared. Literally, she looked like an angel. I quickly ran towards her and told her how her gospel tract had affected my heart and the experiences I had while reading it. She smiled and began to speak to me. After the chat, we concluded with some prayers and agreed to meet more often.
I came back the following day and the next, and the next. And each time was nothing less than special. I later attended a Church she told me about, just 5km from my house. And the experience has been nothing less than awesome ever since. I have since reconciled with my first wife and we now live happily; I mean, very very happy.
After all these, I’ve discovered that what actually makes me happy is the sound of godly music, reading the Bible and other godly materials and in the lovely smile of my family. I still have my job and some money, but quite frankly, they aren’t necessary for my happiness. I found the Source of happiness, joy and peace. And He made His happiness affect all facets of my life.
Sometimes we’re lost in our search for happiness and peace, not knowing that what actually makes us happy are the seemingly simple things we ignore or have forgotten. I found mine. I pray you find yours today.
The Lord bless thee, and keep thee: The Lord make his face shine upon thee, and be gracious unto thee: The Lord lift up his countenance upon thee, and give thee peace.
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