Pause and Reset – Personal story

Some extreme questions give clarity.

A few days ago, I was chatting with a friend, and I decided to ask her a question. Seeing she has read a good part of my one hundred and forty articles, I wanted to know her opinion on what book(s) she’d expect from me if I desired to write one. Now, I’ve been asking the same question to some of my friends because in the coming years (or months?), God willing, I may decide to put together a body of work that you may call a book. 

So, I said, ‘sister, if I wrote a book, what topic or subject would you want the book to treat?’ I’ll spare you all the answers she gave, but this one, ‘one book I’d love to read is the story of your life.’ Anyway, I think she may need to wait for…just a few years 😉

I rarely share my full life story because I often think it’s not yet time to do so. The only exception is when I sense it’ll help the person I’m talking with see things from another perspective and, so, make better decisions.

However, if you’ve been reading this blog for some months now, you’ll certainly have read bits of my story in each article because I always leave my fingerprint in every one of them. Now, I don’t want you to become a detective, trying to figure out what is and what is not part of my story in each article. Just enjoy the lessons in the articles. And the ones that don’t have any lessons? Just enjoy the reading. 

I had wanted to publish another inspiring article this morning, but around 4 am after I had written and was about scheduling today’s post, my spirit told me to share something different, something more personal, something more my story. Also, this is the last day of the first quarter of 2021. So, here is it:

I had this solemn moment of deep reflection some years ago, which changed my approach to life and people. It helped me get over worries and set my priorities right, although I still always examine and re-examine my life and priorities. 

So, I was going through several challenges that affected my ability to set priorities and chase them. It’s one of those trying times when everything seemed fuzzy and my life looked stagnant; it was as though an unknown element had decided to press the pause button on my life.

But I knew that if I could articulate the things I wanted accurately, it’d help me to at least restart the engine of my heart and possibly move a few metres away from despondency. It was really bad.

So, one of the days, I decided to have a proper conversation with myself. I can’t recall if I prayed or not. I think I did pray, but you know one of those prayers you make when you’re going through serious trials? Those prayers are usually between faith and doubt, with an undetectable line separating both. Yeah, those types of prayers where words can’t express how you feel nor can you explain to yourself what is wrong with you. 

Sometimes people wonder how I’m able to relate to those going through difficult moments. Well, there are many reasons, and one is that I’ve been there a little. So, I know how it feels to go for months not understanding why things happened the way they did and why you can’t seem to pick yourself up despite an inner desire that to say is very alive is being mild.

It was during those times that I understood what the scriptures ‘the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak’ really meant. No matter how willing your spirit is, the flesh must agree before you can accomplish certain things here on earth. How? You’re operating in the flesh although you live in the spirit. After your prayers and fasting, after your detailed and exhaustive preparations, your legs must go to that office, to work, school or wherever, to receive the physical results of your answered prayers. If your legs decide that they aren’t moving, that they’re on sick leave, you’re going nowhere except you want to walk on your hands or head.

So, I had to put forth some questions to myself in the ‘comfort’ of my cubicle; a bit extreme but they were necessary questions. ‘Chibii, if you were given just 2 months before your death, what will be the most important thing on your mind, besides God and making heaven at death? What are the things you will adjust within this space of time? What are the last things you wish to do? What will be the most important things you want to focus on? What do you want to be remembered for? These questions revolutionalised my thoughts. They helped me gain some clarity, and I slowly began to climb out of the hole I had been in.

The answers helped me understand who and what were my topmost priority at the time. I began to see that some of the things that made me worried weren’t worth my time after all. So, I immersed myself into Bible reading and study, I made Philippians 4:8 one of my favourite scriptures, I made up my mind to become who God has made to be, I resolved to accomplish all those dreams I had as a child, no matter how long or what it takes. I decided that I will never give up no matter what satan or his cohorts throw my way. 

And I began to value relationships more, I began to learn to say things I wanted to say, to resolve issues and not hold things to heart for long, to eschew evil and toxic lifestyle always; I resolved not to hurt people knowingly and many other decisions like these. Those few questions helped me cut off all the noise in my mind and focus on what really mattered most to me.

Today is the last day of the first quarter of this year. How about asking yourself some of these questions? And taking some decisions. Now, I don’t want you to rush into answering these questions as some people do, rather take some minutes, possibly shut your doors, turn off the TV/cellular and other forms of distraction. You may sit, lay down or kneel to ponder on these questions. You may want to do it under a tree, in a park or anywhere that is serene. Get some writing materials by you as well, and have this conversation with yourself. If you are truthful to yourself, you’ll see how you’ve got some things wrong.

Now, it’s time to start adjusting. Don’t wait until the sickbed to make amends. Start now!

P.S: I know I may have influenced your opinion a bit, but I still want to know what type of book you might expect from me if I desired to write one. You can go through the various categories on my blog and tell me. Or just tell me something you wish I talked about more often. 

Thanks for reading and do have a beautiful day. God willing, I’ll see you tomorrow with another inspiring piece. God bless and be with us (Psalms 39:4).