10 reasons why you are not happy and what to do

Over the period I have observed that many people are unhappy about their lives, careers, family, and the rest. What I saw was that there were a few thieves who always broke through the window to steal their happiness. I’ve tried to summarise these in this article. Feel free to add yours.

So, here are some reasons why you may not be happy. The list is not exhaustive, but you can relate to one or more items.

1. Taking people and material possessions as the source of your happiness.

This is one mistake many people make – they always think that someone somewhere will give them happiness, so they search endlessly for him or her. They believe acquiring the world and having the best career will give them happiness, so they chase everything down the rabbit hole. The first thing to do is to take your joy away from material things and people.

While it is true that people around us and having material things can excite us, the happiness that is elicited by these is often short-lived – material things fade, and the fashion of the world passes away quickly. People can leave you; humans make mistakes, and some even die when we need them most – yes, that also happens, and it hurts so badly.

But when your source of happiness is God, he never leaves, never makes mistakes, his love never fades and surely he doesn’t die. He is a reliable eternal source of joy and refuge.

So, God must be your source of joy and happiness. Enjoy great people in your life, but don’t entrust your happiness to them. Put that in the right place; you’ll be glad you did.

2. Guilt and what-if loop

Another reason many people are not happy is the deep feeling of guilt for whatever happened in the past, whether it was their fault or not.

If you have made mistakes that seem to have derailed your life, career, ministry, business, etc., chances are that one of the things that saddens your heart is the memory of those mistakes. You are constantly roped into the loop of what-ifs and had-I-nots. “What if I followed that path instead of this one?” “Had I not continued with that friendship….”

To be happy, you must free yourself of that guilt and move on to the next page of your life. It won’t be easy, but you have to strip yourself of that if you must move forward in life.

Your past is only a part of your life lived, not your entire life. It’s like a book; if you remain on a given page, you’ll not discover what’s on the next page. Turn to the new leaf and keep authoring the best story of your life.

3. Unforgiveness of others’ mistakes

Some of the happiest people do not keep a record of evils done to them. You cannot go through life without anyone offending you intentionally or otherwise. Even in your family, filled with people who love and cherish you, you can still experience offence.

I like to consider offences as part of the results of human interaction, whether physical or virtual. Even if you live as a hermit, the rocks, sand, trees, clothes and other natural elements will offend you someday.

When you constantly hold back grudges and offences in your heart, it’s like someone drinking seawater. Soon the renal function will be affected and that could result in death from dehydration.

There is a saying, “Let go and let God.” So, to be happy, forgive people for the wrong they did to you. Everyone makes mistakes. Forgive them, so you don’t go through life carrying people’s loads on your shoulders. Ouch! How heavy that is!

4. Fear & anxiety

I am yet to see anyone who lives in constant fear and anxiety enjoy true happiness. One of the best counsels for enjoying happiness all through life is in the book of Philippians 4:6-7. It says,

Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

So, check your fears, worries and anxieties. You’ll enjoy happiness once they are sorted through prayers, yieldedness to Christ Jesus, and acting on your goals.

5. You hold onto material possessions a lot

Hey, give some of your material possessions away today if you want to be happy. More material possessions don’t equal more happiness. A rich man is often so preoccupied with safeguarding his possessions that he does not fully enjoy them.

What buys happiness is neither money nor poverty. What buys happiness is giving some of your resources away to the needy. Making others happy by solving their problems inevitably makes you happy. This applies to whatever resource you have – money, time, comforting words, counsel, clothing, food and other forms of help.

Have you seen a homeless child smile before? Have you seen a widow/widower happy lately? How did that make you feel? Happy, right? Yes, that’s the way to go.

6. Shame

Shame is a painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the consciousness of wrong or foolish behaviour. This is slightly different from guilt. Whereas guilt is directed at yourself, shame is directed outward. Guilt is how you perceive yourself because of what you did or did not do. Shame is how you think others perceive you because of what you did or did not do.

Your happiness will always be cut short if you carry a skewed image of others’ perception of you. To be happy, you need to forgive yourself, correct the mistakes where necessary and move on irrespective of what others may or may not think. Sometimes, people don’t even view you that way, but your mind will tell you otherwise. So, deal with that and be happy.

7. Taking yourself too seriously

I’m a proponent of being focused and disciplined in life; chasing big dreams and becoming the best at what you do. However, please, don’t be too uptight and hard on yourself. Don’t take life too seriously because life itself doesn’t take you that seriously. Physical life ends when you die, but does life truly die? Life itself is here to enjoy as long as possible.

Therefore, laugh at your mistakes, smile at your misspellings, joke about your perfect imperfections and get back up when you fall. I often make fun of my mango-shaped skull. My external occipital protuberance isn’t that bad, but before you even joke about it, I’m already there with my thirty-two teeth shining.

Please, laugh, smile, dance, jump up, sing, open your windows, and scream to the wind. Eat that food you enjoy, go out with friends, travel with your family, go hiking, play games with your children and friends, laugh at decent jokes and be kind to people.

You won’t be here forever, so you might well enjoy every moment God grants you breath. Life shouldn’t be that hard, dear people of God.

8. Comparison instead of gratitude

In a world where we see our peers as competitors instead of companions, the result will always be unhappiness.

Comparison breeds anger and envy, which inevitably leads to the rottenness of the bones. Help your peers up instead of kicking them down. You gain nothing by being a perpetual antagonist and you lose nothing by helping your brother up.

Listen, if I help you light your candle, it doesn’t diminish the brightness of my light. Rather, we both gain because the place will be better illuminated.

9. Always wanting more

If you are an ambitious person, one thing you would notice is that after you have hit the initial target you set, you will want to exceed it. Once that one is achieved, you position your arrow for the next one. And the next one.

There is an ever-increasing expectation of what you want to achieve and where you want to be. You always want more and more, and then some more, and some much more until you burn yourself out.

This lifelong pursuit of more will not get you more happiness. Instead, be content with what you have. Contentment is not laziness; rather it is choosing to be happy with what you have accomplished and where by God’s grace you have arrived.

Contentment is a breeding ground for peace and calmness. It even helps you to acquire more without making it a do-or-die affair. So, to be happy, less is more.

10. Unhealthy eating and sedentary lifestyle

Yes, I said it. And I’m not adding another word to it. Sorry, eat well and exercise well.

Thanks for reading. May the Lord grant you a happy life.
Ututu oma (Good morning in Igbo language)