Over the period I have observed why people are not happy about their lives, careers, and the rest. What I saw was that there were a few thieves who always broke through the window to steal their happiness.
So, here are some reasons why you may not be happy. The list is not exhaustive, but you can relate to one or more items.
1. Fear & anxiety
I am yet to see anyone who lives in constant fear and anxiety enjoy true happiness. One of the best counsels for enjoying happiness all through life is in the book of Philippians 4:6-7. It says,
Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.
So, check your fears, worries and anxieties. Once they are sorted, you’ll enjoy happiness.
2. Guilt and the what-if loop
Another reason many people are not happy is the deep feeling of guilt for whatever happened in the past, whether it was their fault or not. If you have made mistakes that derailed your life, career, ministry, business, etc., chances are that one of the things that saddens your heart is the memory of those mistakes. You are constantly roped into the loop of what-ifs and had-I-nots. To be happy, you must free yourself of that guilt and move on to the next page of your life. Your past is only part of your life, not your entire life. Turn to the new leaf and keep authoring the story of your life.
3. Shame
Shame is a painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the consciousness of wrong or foolish behaviour. This is slightly different from guilt. Whereas guilt is directed at yourself, shame is directed outward. Guilt is how you perceive yourself because of what you did or did not do. Shame is how you think others perceive you because of what you did or did not do.
Your happiness will always be cut short if you carry a skewed image of others’ perception of you. To be happy, you need to forgive yourself, correct the mistakes where necessary and move on irrespective of what others may or may not think. Sometimes, people don’t even view you that way, but your mind will tell you otherwise. So, deal with that and be happy.
4. Unforgiveness of others’ mistakes
Some of the happiest people are those who don’t keep records of evil done to them. I like you to imagine yourself in the sea, the sea being the grudges and offences surrounding you. It is not possible to go through life without anyone offending you intentionally or otherwise. When you hold back grudges and offences in your heart, you are drinking the seawater. Soon your body system will be affected and that could result in death. There is a saying, “Let go and let God.” So, to be happy, forgive people for the wrong they did to you. Everyone makes mistakes. Forgive them, so you don’t go through life carrying people’s loads on your shoulders. Ouch! How heavy that is!
5. Taking yourself too seriously
Don’t take life too seriously because life itself doesn’t take you that seriously. Physical life ends when you die, but does life truly die? Life itself is here to enjoy as long as possible. Laugh at your mistakes, smile at your misspellings, joke about your imperfections and get back up when you fail. I often make fun of my mango-shaped skull. Now, my external occipital protuberance isn’t that bad, but before you even make a joke about it, I’m already there with my 32 teeth.
Please, laugh, smile, dance, jump up, open your windows, and scream to the wind. Life is not that hard, dear people of God.
6. Taking people and things as the source of your happiness.
Take your happiness away from things and own it. This is one mistake many people make – they always think that someone somewhere will give them happiness, so they search endlessly for him or her. They believe acquiring the world and having the best career will give them happiness, so they chase everything down the rabbit hole.
Unfortunately, while people and things can excite, the happiness is often short-lived as those people can leave you, make mistakes or even die – yes, that also happens, and it hurts. But when your source of happiness is God, he never leaves, he never makes mistakes, his love never fades and surely he doesn’t die. He is an eternal source of happiness and refuge.
So, God must be your source of joy and happiness. Enjoy great people in your life, but don’t entrust your happiness to them.
7. Comparison instead of gratitude
In a world where we see our peers as competitors instead of companions, the result will always be unhappiness. Comparison breeds anger and envy, which inevitably leads to the rottenness of the bones. Help your peers up instead of kicking them down. You gain nothing by being a perpetual antagonist, but you lose nothing by helping your brother up. Listen, if I help you light your candle, it doesn’t diminish my light. Rather, we both gain because the place will be better illuminated.
8. You hold onto material possessions a lot
Hey, give some of your material possessions away. More material possessions don’t equal more happiness. In fact, many times, a rich man is so preoccupied with how to safeguard his money that he ends up not fully enjoying it.
What buys happiness is neither money nor poverty. What buys happiness is giving some of your resources away to the needy. Making others happy by solving their problems inevitably makes you happier.
Have you seen a homeless child smile before? Have you seen a widow/widower happy lately? How did that make you feel? Happy, right? Yes.
9. Always wanting more
If you are an ambitious person, one thing you would notice is that after you have hit the initial target you set, you will want to exceed it. Once that one is achieved, you position your arrow for the next one. And the next one.
There is an ever-increasing expectation of what you want to achieve and where you want to be. You always want more and more, and then some more, and some much more until you burn yourself out.
This lifelong pursuit of more will not get you more happiness. Instead, be content with what you have. Contentment is not laziness; rather it is choosing to be happy with what you have accomplished and where by God’s grace you have arrived.
Contentment is a breeding ground for peace and calmness. It even helps you to acquire more without making it a do-or-die affair. So, to be happy, less is more.
10. Unhealthy eating and sedentary lifestyle
Yes, I said it. And I’m not adding another word to it. Sorry, eat well and exercise well.
Thanks for reading. May the Lord grant you a happy life.
Ututu oma (Good morning in Igbo language)