Some weeks ago, I was thinking about relationships and, most importantly, the marital relationship. We are all sensual beings, that is, beings who respond to stimuli that arrive at our five sense organs. If you perceive an aroma from a neighbour’s kitchen, you can react in a certain way depending on whether you consider pleasing or displeasing what you perceive. A meal may be the most healthy, but if the sight isn’t satisfactory, we would likely prefer a less healthy meal. Why? The eyes always eat first before the laughing gear (mouth).

My thoughts then took me to the subject of affinity and efficacy, in relation to relationships – how sensual beings can make choices based on how they think they fit and nothing more.

Affinity
Affinity is that property that defines a substance’s structural compatibility with its receptor. It is the strength of attraction between a substance and its receptor. Simplifying, a ligand that has an affinity for a receptor has a shape that fits into the pocket made for it on the receptor. We can say that it is a round peg in a round hole. We can also say that the ligand feels good and relaxed on the receptor.

Our choices in life and relationships are often determined by “feeling good and relaxed.” We spend money, time, and other resources in search of compatibility and emotional relaxation, even when we don’t fully understand what these terms mean. So, we end up with someone who makes us feel good at that time but may never make us feel good ever after.

We are quick to settle down with people whom we think we share a great affinity with. We believe that they are compatible with us, so we pitch our tent with them. In affinity, the sense organs are pleased; they’re relaxed and made to feel good. Who doesn’t enjoy that?

Efficacy
Beyond affinity is efficacy. Efficacy is that property that makes a substance which has an affinity with a particular receptor to activate it. It is the capacity of a ligand to activate a receptor to transduce a given signal into a physiological response.

Here, you’ll discover that not all the substances that have an affinity with the receptor have great efficacy. Without efficacy, there can be excitement but no activation or just a little activation. In fact, some substances that have an affinity with a particular receptor are antagonists. That is, they bind to that receptor but instead of activating it, they block the receptor temporarily or permanently from performing its function.

The Juice:
The things that God has placed within you are potentials waiting for the right activation to occur for them to manifest. It’s like the pool of Bethesda that requires an angel of God to stir. Without the angel, it’s a mere body of water, but with the angel, it’s a powerful source of miracles.

For the potential in you to be activated, you need someone who complements you. Note, I mean complement, not a compliment. Compliment is at the level of affinity (it’s exciting), but complement is at the level of efficacy (it partners to release the union’s potential).

The goal, therefore, should be to go beyond affinity and focus more on efficacy. It is not who I connect easily with, who has the same vibe or energy, but who brings out the best of God’s nature in me. Who helps me become more like Christ. Who helps me discover and pursue the visions God has placed in me. It is who is the right companion for the journey because you are still becoming. Therefore, prioritise efficacy over affinity.

Reflection:
What are some parameters you employ in the choice of friends and relationships in general? Are these parameters only in the category of affinity, or do they also include efficacy? Which sits on top of your priority list?

Quote:
The purposes of a person’s heart are deep waters, but one who has insight draws them out.
Proverbs 20:5

Thanks for reading. See you tomorrow with another inspiring piece. Make sure to share, and God bless you.